When Coping Skills 'Go Wrong': Understanding Trauma Adaptations
- Dr. Sheri Vanino
- Feb 22
- 3 min read
Updated: Apr 25
One of the most misunderstood aspects of trauma is how people cope with it.
Many of the behaviors that later become problems were once intelligent, adaptive survival strategies. They helped someone get through something overwhelming, unsafe, or unmanageable. They reduced anxiety. They restored a sense of control. They created relief — even if only temporarily.
The problem is not that these strategies were weak.
The problem is that they worked.
Over time, however, coping strategies that were protective can begin to create new forms of distress.
Common Trauma Coping Strategies That Later Become ProblematicTrauma does not produce one uniform response. It produces adaptations. These adaptations often fall into a few broad categories:
1. Control
Restrictive eating or eating disorders-
Obsessive exercise-
Perfectionism-
Overworking-
Hyper-productivity-
Rigid routines
Control can feel stabilizing when the original trauma involved chaos or violation. The body and mind learn: “If I control enough variables, I can stay safe.”
2. Numbing
Alcohol or substance use-
Prescription misuse-
Self-harm or cutting-
Emotional shutdown-
Dissociation-
Compulsive scrolling or gaming
Numbing reduces intensity. When feelings are overwhelming, shutting them down can feel like survival.
3. Avoidance
Isolation-
“Going off the grid” socially-
Avoiding relationships-
Avoiding conflict-
Avoiding medical or legal systems-
Staying constantly busy to avoid thinking
Avoidance reduces exposure to triggers. It makes sense — until life begins to shrink.
4. Attachment-Based Adaptations
Staying in unhealthy relationships-
Difficulty leaving harmful dynamics-
Over-accommodating others-
Chronic people-pleasing-
Fear of setting boundaries
When safety once depended on maintaining connection, these patterns can persist long after the danger has passed.
5. Self-Blame and Internalization-
Harsh self-criticism-
Body shame-
“If I were different, this wouldn’t have happened” thinking-
Taking responsibility for others’ behavior
Self-blame can paradoxically restore a sense of control. If it was “my fault,” then maybe I can prevent it next time.
Why I Respect These Coping Strategies
In therapy, I do not see these behaviors as pathology first.
I see them as attempts.
Attempts to:- Regulate-
Survive-
Feel safe-
Stay connected-
Prevent further harm
Many people feel ashamed of the ways they have coped. But shame often overlooks an important truth: these strategies were developed under pressure. They were solutions to circumstances that felt unmanageable.
They were not random. They were intelligent adaptations to threat.
When Coping Becomes Costly
Over time, what once protected you may begin to:-
Narrow your life-
Impact your health-
Interfere with relationships-
Create new forms of suffering-
Reinforce isolation-
Keep the trauma unprocessed
At that point, the goal is not to shame the coping skill.
The goal is to understand it.
In therapy, we examine:-
What was this behavior protecting you from?-
When did it begin?-
What does it still accomplish?-
What does it now cost?
Only when a coping strategy is understood can it be replaced with something that serves you more effectively in the present.
Coping Skills “Gone Wrong” Are Not Character Flaws
They are survival strategies that have outlived their usefulness.
The Goal of Trauma Therapy
The point of therapy is not to strip away your defenses abruptly. It is to build enough safety and regulation that you no longer need them in the same way.
There is a difference between eliminating a coping strategy and outgrowing it.
If you recognize yourself in any of these patterns, it does not mean you are broken. It may mean that you adapted well to something that required adaptation.
And now it may be time for something different.
If you are looking for trauma therapy in Denver and recognize yourself in these coping patterns, you do not have to continue managing them alone. In my therapy practice, I work almost exclusively with adult survivors of violence and traumatic loss.
When you are ready, reaching out can be the first step toward developing coping strategies that serve you now.